Disabled and Feeling Inadequate

10/29/20242 min read

During my early years, I was confident and bold. In primary school, some kids teased me for having one hand, but I would quickly strike back, and they would leave me alone. I wasn’t bothered by my hand and fought for myself when needed. I never thought my missing limb made me different from other kids.

Then came middle school (ages 11-13), and the first real signs of being treated differently due to my physical disability began. I started to feel different, becoming fully aware that I didn’t look like the other kids around me. During this time, my friends began receiving love letters, sweets and chocolates from boys in class, but I didn’t get as much attention. This marked the beginning of a “you’re not good enough” era that stayed with me for nearly two decades.

High school (ages 14 – 18) was even tougher. I became fully aware of my disability and believed it meant I was lacking. My high school years were my least confident. I believed most of the narratives and labels society had about people with disabilities and thought that:

  • I wasn’t good enough

  • I wasn’t normal

  • I could never measure up

  • I wasn’t attractive

  • I wasn’t lovable - or it would take an exceptionally special boy/man to love me.

My feelings of inadequacy continued into my university years. However, this environment opened my eyes. For the first time, I saw other disabled students who seemed okay. I no longer felt alone and disabled within my age group. Although those negative thoughts stayed with me over the years, there was a light in this dark tunnel. These very thoughts fueled my passion to succeed.

I believed I needed to prove my worth, so I:

  • Studied hard to perform well in school

  • Took pride in completing my degrees on time

  • Sought jobs with promising career paths

Ambition is essential in life, and my ambition has primarily been fueled by wanting to prove to the world – and myself – that I was enough.

In 2023, I was promoted to Vice President at work - a significant achievement for me. When I shared the news with my career coach, she excitedly asked, “When is the celebratory party?” I responded, “This one is for me”. I explained to her that all my life I had been doing things to prove to people that I am good enough and capable. This time, I felt free from the pressure to perform and finally understood that I never needed to prove anything to anyone. I was always enough.

I believe that no amount of wins, successes, or seniority can fill a void caused by feelings of inadequacy. These feelings need to be addressed, and for me, this meant returning to my identity in Christ. It takes work, and it’s probably a lifelong journey, but now I live with so much freedom, knowing that I am:

  • Enough

  • Normal

  • Equal to others

  • Attractive

  • Lovable

Admittedly, feeling inadequate has had its upside. It forced me to push myself and prove everyone else wrong, resulting in a very independent and comfortable lifestyle. While the motivation was misplaced, the outcome has been beneficial. All things work together for good.